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Official Facebook Post Decoder

“I don’t care what anyone thinks…” – I care way too much what other people think but am trying to convince myself not to. Related: “I’m going to be myself today,” etc

“I am about to ……” – nobody really cares what I’m about to do but I wish they did so I’m trying to make it seem as interesting as possible so that somebody will actually care.

Like me on Facebook! Become a fan dammit!

(Posting of latest meal/dining out, etc) I love food way too much and hope that by posting pics of it, others will love it as much as me and I will feel more normal about my abnormal love for food.

“Today sucked…” My life basically sucks, but by pointing out some particular suckage of today I hope to gain some sympathy for just how bad it all sucks for me. I eat sympathy with a spoon. Related: any “woe is me” type of post.

(Weird stuff that nobody understands) I’m complicated and nobody really understands me but by posting some really bizarre shit, I hope to resonate some understanding among at least a few of my hundreds of facebook friends, and find out if there are any as weird as me to commune with.

Sports update post- self explanatory. It’s pretty obvious I like this particular team and sport, and looking for others to enjoy the enthusiasm of it with. Those who disagree will be good targets for trash talk to light up the wall.

Pictures of their kids (with glowing reviews) My kids are better than yours, look how awesome they are, and if you don’t agree you suck. Hit the Like Button moron!

Political statement – self explanatory. This is the political standpoint I believe in, and you will either agree or you are stupid. If you disagree I may bash you for your stupidity in disagreeing with my superior view.

Celebrity bashing updates – I am hopelessly addicted to celebrity news but by bashing one of them I hope to maintain the air that I’m not really into it, but obviously I am, by virtue of posting it.

Music video or clip- this band and/or song is really cool and you should realize that.

“I will never _____ again.” I keep doing the same self-destructive shit over and over again, and will definitely do it again, but not sure as to why. Am I some kind of self masochist? Can anyone say for sure?

(Violence in the news update) I am fascinated by violent crime, and thus will post it, but with commentary that I am in complete disagreement with it, however it is really interesting to me.

(Random stuff that nobody else is talking about) I’m trying to get some online conversation started about some random shit because everybody is apparently tired of my regular boring posts.

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